Lost Reality
by Punk Knut
Summary: In her desperation to deal with Cedric's death, Cho doesn't feel herself slip away from the sane. Now, in her mind, Cedric is alive but how long will this illusion last?
1. Freeing Cedric

Lost Reality: Chapter One

Summary: In her desperation to deal with Cedric's death, Cho doesn't feel herself slip away from the sane. Now, in her mind, Cedric is alive; but how long will this illusion last?

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Not that you all didn't know that.

Warning: Self-harm and such are in this chapter, and may be present in future chapters.

* * *

Chapter One: Freeing Cedric

* * *

The days began to slip into each other, living without Cedric was becoming harder by the day. I could feel him slipping away from me, bit by bit. If I didn't hold onto him, who would? It soon became my mission, not not forget Cedric.

Everyone soon dismissed his death, especially over the summer. Coming back to school, I could actually feel how Cedric had gone out of their hearts. I didn't understand, didn't everyone remember him? Didn't their care about this great injustice?

Everyone's ignorance was getting to me, there was only one other person in the school who seemed to care about Cedric as well, that was Harry Potter. But if he hadn't seen Cedric die, would be actual care at all?

At first, I had been mad at Harry. My mind kept asking question I knew I would never find the answer to. Why hadn't he done something? Why wasn't he able to do something? Why did Cedric have to die? Why Cedric? Why not someone else? Just because he was good enough to reach the middle of that maze. And then I found my mind thinking the unthinkable. Why couldn't it have been Harry instead of Cedric?

That was the point that I knew I had hit the edge. How dare I think that about another human being? I was monsterous, horrible... there wasn't even a word for how despicable I had become.

Cedric was on my mind all the time, always, always, always. I could be sitting Potions and all I would be hearing was Cedric... Cedric... Cedric... I couldn't handle it any longer, I needed an escape I didn't want Cedric to be dead, I didn't want to be thinking about him all the time. I wanted out! Now!

* * *

Lying on my bed, Cedric teddy bear in my arms, I cried. I did this often. My dorm mates would usually give me space during these times. They knew they didn't understand how hard it was for me. So they just left me alone, to deal with it myself.

But this time was worse, it was too hard. It hurt to cry, I would cry because I was crying, I would hurt from the hurt I caused from crying. It was just a vicious cycle, then I found I couldn't stop. The tears just wouldn't stop coming. I needed to get him out of my head, I needed to stop crying. I needed!

Sitting up, I looked down at the table beside bed. There lay my quill. I had just finished writing in my diary, mostly about Cedric. The ink had gone dry on the quill, and now it was nothing but a sharpened point with a feather out the top. I took the quill in my grasp, thinking of how contradictory the object was - just like me.

Looking around the room, I found myself alone again. Always alone.

It took me a while to get up the courage to do it. It wasn't something I would normally do, but I needed the out. I needed to get him out of me. He was in me, he wouldn't let go, I didn't want to let him go, but I did, in a way. This was driving me insane, I wanted my life back, it had been four months. I couldn't mourn him forever.

"I just want to be normal," I cried, digging the quill into my wrist. I only scratched a shallow graze at first, but I still didn't feel changed, so I dug deeper and deeper. Then the blood began to flow. It would rise slowly at first, and then faster and faster. Then, just like the crying, it wouldn't stop. It just kept coming and coming. But I didn't want it to stop, I wanted to set him free. That's what he would have wanted.

That's why Cedric loved to fly, he felt free. And now, I could make him free again.

"I love you, Cedric," I told him, digging deeper and deeper.

I began to feel myself get tired, like I was losing energy, then the room began to spin, slowly then faster and faster and finally I couldn't dig deeper anymore, I couldn't see it at all, then just before everything went black I heard a voice.

"Cho, what are you doing?"

"Cedric?"

* * *

Sitting up in bed, I looked around to find myself in the hospital wing. Trying to lift myself by my arms, I nearly fell off the bed, my left arm didn't seem able to. Looking at the arm, I found out why. It was wrapped in bandages.

"What on...?" I muttered, touching the bandages.

"You shoouldn't play with them," I familiar voice said next to me.

Looking around, I nearly feel off the bed. "Cedric, what are you doing here?"

Cedric smiled down at me. "I'm here to make sure my girl is okay."

"What happened? Why am I here?" I asked, feeling rather confused.

Cedric simply took my unbandaged hand in his. "It was just an accident, but I'm here to make sure it won't happen again."

"How did you know I was here?" I asked.

"You called me."

* * *

Okay, I haven't exactly established the fact that Cho is crazy yet, but don't worry, I will. Now push that cutie little button at the bottom of the page and send me a review.

Constructive criticism is mostly welcome, but whatever you send me will me perfectly fine.

Until next chapter... Xx.


	2. Promises

Lost Reality: Chapter Two

Summary: In her desperation to deal with Cedric's death, Cho doesn't feel herself slip away from the sane. Now, in her mind, Cedric is alive; but how long will this illusion last?

Disclaimer: See prev. chapters.

* * *

I lay back slowly, resting myself against the pillows. All was fine now; everything was as it should be. With Cedric here nothing could go wrong.

It seemed like hours that I lay there, with Cedric's warm, loving gaze on my face, his hand in mine, the sun shining through the window. It was like a world had left me and I was replaced with this new reality. The last few months didn't exist; it was just Cedric and I.

But, alas, this was not to be. After what seemed like a blissful forever, Cedric stood and leant across me, whispering in my ear.

"I must leave you, my darling," he told me, his words scars on my heart.

"I… No… Cedric, please… don't go," I pleaded, my words sounding pathetic to my own ears, but I did not care. I needed Cedric, and anything to keep him with me was worth it.

"I will come back, I promise, as long as you love me," Cedric said, kissing the palm of my hand, the fingers still linking in his.

"I will always love you," I said, my words less than a whisper as Cedric began to fade, his touch leaving my hand, I grasped tighter but he just seemed to slip through my fingers. Then he was gone. Gone again, and the empty abyss that was a constant in me before returned and I felt myself die a little inside.

Then I heard the footsteps, it was Madam Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick. Now I knew way Cedric had left, he had left because of them. My features twisted into an ugly scowl, which I turned upon the two enclosing members of staff.

"Miss Chang, how are you?" Flitwick asked, his voice solemn, his eyes taking in my bandages from his low vantage point.

I said nothing, simply continued to scowl. Flitwick seemed to notice this, but said nothing of it. He took the seat that Cedric had previously filled; my hate of his visit increased.

"We need to have a chat, Miss Chang," Flitwick told me. I was beginning to hate his every word, hoping with his departure that Cedric would return to my side once more.

"I don't see why, Professor," I told him, a little too curtly.

Madam Pomfrey butted in at this stage. "I beg your pardon, young lady," she said, his hands adjusting my bandages absent-mindedly. "Professor Flitwick is following Hogwarts protocol, dear. You tried to take your own life; there is plenty to talk about."

I pulled my arm away viciously, snarling at her.

"Leave me alone," I snapped, my eyes narrowed on her.

Madam Pomfrey huffed indignantly, she was not impressed. "I shall be in my office, Filius," she told Flitwick, before turning and walking away, muttering about insubordination and selfish children. I distinctly felt the door slam slightly in her wake.

Flitwick continued to look at me, his face a little sad.

"This has not happened to one of my Ravenclaws for a long, long time," he confided, his face a little distraught now. "Dumbledore would come to this talk himself, but he's in a meeting. I want you to know, Miss Chang, that you can tell me anything in all confidence. My goal is simply to help you."

"I don't need help," I told him, not understanding him in the slightest, or Pomfrey. What had she meant by taking my own life? I had done no such thing. I was freeing Cedric… Cedric.

I realised then that I would never tell them what I was really doing. I would look crazy; no-one would ever believe that I had brought Cedric back. No-one knew of the love we shared. No-one knew how powerful our love was, and that power had brought my love back into this world.

The talk with Flitwick went on for that seemed like an eternity. He kept muttering about accidents and quills, cuts and confidences. I ignored this, occasionally nodding to say it was an accident; a lie. But I had to lie, to protect Cedric. Who knew that these people would do in this jealously of us?

* * *

I was released from the Hospital Wing that afternoon. I walked back to the Ravenclaw tower. The Common Room was near empty, everyone was at classes. Only a few sixth and seventh years remained.

Marietta, my real only remaining friend after Cedric, was sitting by the slowly burning fire. She smiled weakly at me, patting the chair beside her. I took the seat. The one good thing about Marietta was that she never asked questions about anything. She was a little docile, trapped in her own world of fashion and boys and falling in love. She had never known love like Cedric and I, and I think she knew that herself. So she never asked about him, not a question. I liked this. I didn't want to be badgered at every turn about how I was and how did I feel and was I hurting myself.

I was fine, I just missed Cedric. And now that would be resolved. Cedric was back, he still loved me, and I loved him more than ever.

I went to Charms the next day, having woken late and not wanting to go to my first two lessons. So after break I made my way down to the second floor classroom. Flitwick nodded reassuringly to me, as if he had made excellent progress with me yesterday, and I entered the classroom with my fellow sixth-years. Marietta took the only vacant seat next to me. The others moved theirs away and I would feel their stares and they pointed over their shoulders at me. Their eyes on my bandage, only half concealed by my school robes.

I could hear their whispers; occasionally a louder word was made clear, like 'crazy', or 'Cedric'. I hated them at that point. I didn't want his name upon their lips. They were not worth enough to even think on his memory. They were horrible, despicable. I hated them, I despised them. I was angry, so angry.

I seemed to fume through the next two lessons, keeping my eyes on the desk, not looking at anyone, passing the occasional word with Marietta, who was reading a romance novel between the pages of her school books, hiding it from Flitwick and McGonagall in the next class.

Then it was lunch. I still wasn't hungry. I left Marietta at the Great Hall, lying and saying I had left something in the Tower, and that I needed it for our next class.

She shrugged, and went back to her novel.

I wanted peace and quiet. I tapped into the Entrance Hall, my feet loud on the floor. The front doors were open; I could see the stone steps descending down onto the lawn. Without even thinking on it, I made my way out there, across the grass, feeling lush and bouncy beneath my feet, and I circled the lake, feeling time slip away from me. It was a few moments before I felt Cedric beside me, walking also.

"Cho?" He breathed my name. I stopped dead, turning to look at him.

"Cedric? You're back?"

"Of course, my love," he told me, taking my hand once more. "I said I would be back, I promised. I always keep my promises."

I stepped back from him, letting his hand fall away from mine. The sudden loss of touch to him made my heart wrench.

"Not all of them," I accused, tears welling in my eyes.

Cedric's gaze fell, guilty. "It was not my fault," he told me, his gaze on the lake. "It was Potter, he made me finish with him, he led me to that grave yard, and he let me lie. It's his fault!"

Cedric was angry now, and so was I. For in Cedric's words I would my own thoughts. I knew it was Harry's fault. He had just let it happen. He didn't care about Cedric at all. He was just as bad as the rest of them… no, he was worse!

I stood there, fuming, my eyes locked onto Cedric's. "I want revenge," I told him, taking his hand once more. "For you and I."

Cedric nodded. "Thank you, love."

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A/N: At a chapter's end again, sorry for such a break in between the chapters. I had to leave the site for a long time. But now I am back, and so is Cho and her twisted thoughts. I'm curious to know what you all think.

Until next chapter…


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